Monday, October 23, 2006

One Week Down

So today was the first day of my second week at the new job. For those of you that didn't know...I got the job I was hoping for! I'm the newest emergency dispatcher in the Communications Unit of the PD. I'm official. I have a badge and everything! haha! Last week was INSANE, therefore I haven't called anyone or blogged anything. Oops. I have received a few "BLOG BLOG BLOG" messages so I thought I should appease the fans. :)

Week one was a lot of sitting around really. I sat through a few hours of NIMS training (National Incident Management Systems or something like that) and did a whole heck of a lot of orientation. This week is going to be full to the MAX. I will be learning APCO emergency procedures and other good stuff as well as going on an all day ride along with the FIRE BOYS!! Keep your minds out of the gutter...Ride ALONG, not Ride ON. :) The following day I get to go on a ride along with a police officer for most of the day and then follow that up with some HR meetings. Woohoo! Friday I am in a full day of CPR/First Aid classes and certification. I am told that I am not required to take self defense although I am thinking about it cause DAMN did it look fun!! I also asked when I get to learn to fire a weapon (totally joking!) and I'm told if I really want to they'll send me to the Sargeant in charge of Firearms Training and he'll get me into the firing range. How many of you are scared now?! I will be in intense training on all of the systems until the end of November and from there I'll be tested and evaluated before they unleash me on the unsuspecting public. Ha! I have to memorize a bagillion ten-codes as well as various jurisdictional areas and policies. I have a whole set of "codes" and "signals" as well as the phonetical alphabet to learn by the end of the week cause I'm being tested on that too! Sometime in this training I also have to learn the proper way to frisk a woman. That's riiiight. A woman. In case I am the only female on duty during the overnight shifts, I have to frisk any female prisoners that are brought in. The boys can't/won't do it. HAHA! Liz...The Detention Officer. Grr... If they weapons thing didn't scare you, that should.

Now, I shall be going to bed. I'm exhausted! But, I am less stressed now with the realization that I'm now in a life/death career, than I was when I worked for the vet. I can pay my bills now!!! I couldn't be happier with my decision. Obviously, only time will tell and there is a chance I will scream "HOLY CRAP" next week, but for now, life is good!!

Monday, October 09, 2006


Tonight I sat in my dark room, next to the open window and listened to the rain. Ping, ping, ping. Each drop hit the air conditioner unit with a resounding noise and as each one struck its mark, I found myself wishing I were as sure of my destination as the raindrops. I have been holding on to the same thoughts for five days now and haven't been able to let them go. As I sat by that window, I knew I had to set them free. How do I do that, you ask? The same way I express all my emotions, through words.

Each one of us holds a wealth of flaws. Most of them are fairly miniscule and we can hide them pretty well. Last Thursday, I had a magnifying glass thrust into my hands. The worst things I think of myself were shown to me and it was made very clear I wasn't doing a good job of hiding them. I am a good person who makes mistakes. I was made to feel small because of these mistakes. I was made to feel like I was less of a person or like I didn't deserve a second chance. As angered as I was at the person for saying such hateful things, I am also strangely grateful to them. They have brought it to my attention that I focus on the negative more often then not. However, all they truly succeeded in accomplishing was the exact thing they accused me of…making someone feel small. I guess I should explain myself a little better. I was told that I say things about people that would be taken as hurtful. I am ashamed of that, because I know it's true. Sometimes I think things are funny that maybe aren't. For instance, I love stories and tall tales and the more colorful the character, the better the story. Perhaps I am guilty of trying to make people laugh at the expense of their feelings. Perhaps I am what she said, a horrible person and friend. HOWEVER, I choose to believe that there were other things, aside from me, that were fueling her anger. Life creates in us a bottle of refuge. That bottle sometimes gets too full and we just…explode. The nearest target is usually the one to take the brunt of the damage. I know I'm not perfect, but I refuse to believe I am horrible. My flaws do not make me a monster. I forgive this person for the things she said, because I know in my heart she sees the same flaws in herself. The only thing that brings solace to the deep sorrow I feel over losing this friend, is that those who know me…really know me. The friends I have made over the years vary from the ones who merely bless us in their passing to those who are a constant in my life. I am blessed with a group of people who accept the fact that I am human and embrace me for me, flaws and all. I am told daily that I am loved and each day, without fail, I know that I have a true friend to turn to. Despite the errors I make in life, I also know that I am forgiven and that He too, knows I am merely human. To those I have wronged, I offer my deep regrets and apologies. To those who are simply spreading the lies, I pray that you have friends like I do that forgive you for imperfections.