Monday, September 17, 2007

Friendships Remembered

I was sitting here, filling the quiet night with my thoughts, and decided I would write a little. I was thinking how amazing it is that this year is almost over. And that I have been at my new job for almost a full year. It is just baffling to me that time has passed so quickly. I have made some wonderful friends at this job. I am truly blessed beyond words. That was one of my biggest fears in making the career change...what if this is a mistake? My worries couldn't have been more wrongly placed. In thinking of my new friends, I began to reminisce about the old ones.

The office I used to work for had a litter of kittens for adoption. I remember them being the cutest, fuzziest little balls of fur you've ever seen. If it wouldn't have lead me on the fast track to "Crazy Cat Lady Land" I'd totally have taken one home. However, a single gal, living alone with three cats in an apartment just screams ALONE FOREVER. Therefore, I let them find good homes with other people. In doing so, I called a client of ours that I knew was looking for a new pet. She immediately came over to visit. She had recently lost a beloved pet named Meg, and knew that if she adopted another, they could look nothing alike. Out of the bunch, she selected the one that was opposite in every way from her Meg. I carried the fuzzy, orange ball of fluff into an exam room so they could meet. Upon entering the room, the woman began to get weepy as she recalled the pet she had lost. "They become like oxygen in your environment, you know? Even when you're not thinking about it, they're there. Ever present." I left the room, thinking not of the kitten, but of the people I call friends. Throughout my life, I have been blessed with people I considered acquaintances, friends and best friends. Each one has been exactly as that client spoke of, like oxygen. Without questioning their presence, they were there. Friendships came as natural to me as breathing and I owe that completely to the people I chose to befriend. It is only natural that it should take time to learn about a person, but in each of these people, I immediately saw myself. That was a miracle all its own as I had been desperately searching for who I was. This leads me to believe that we are led towards each other and into each others lives, thanks to some much needed divine intervention. I received countless emails in the past that say people are brought into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime and I couldn't agree more. I could go down the list of people I have known through the years and each one has been a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold or merely a laugh waiting to burst forth. I am eternally grateful for each person as they have had a hand in shaping who I am, and where I am today.

I won't go into each person individually as it would more than likely bore the rest of you to tears. In addition, I have told most of these people already, sometimes on a daily basis, just how much I love and appreciate them. However, there is one person who I have neglected to thank. Through the years, I have felt it easier to ignore the past and look towards the future when it came to you. Every time I ventured down Memory Lane, it seems I always took a wrong turn at Regret Road. It wasn't that I ever regretted being your friend; it was that I regretted not being able to do more, to be stronger, and to be better. You say that I never gave up on you, but I felt that I had. I wanted so badly for you to be the person I knew you could be that I overlooked the person you were. In trying to help you be a better person, I saw the flaws in myself and was more angered than I could have ever imagined. I saw weakness when I thought I was strong. When I finally realized I was being silly, the time for apologies had passed. Your life was going in a different direction, as was mine, and I felt it easier to just let go. All the anger and hurt that was associated with you vanished within no time and the void was filled with wonder. I wondered if you were happy, if you were safe, if you were doing what you dreamed of doing. Five years have now passed and I continue to wonder. Things have changed a little this time around, however. When I wonder, I can simply "log on" and ask you, "Are you happy? Are you safe? Are your dreams coming true?" Since the day we reconnected, all these years later, I have done a lot of thinking. I can't articulate how wonderful it is to know the answers to these questions I have been bearing. It delights me to know that you are smiling behind the words you are typing. It creates within me a sense of peace I didn't know I needed. Although, this newfound peace wasn't without its own set of questions. Why, after all this time, have we found each other once again? Is there a reason that we have no anger between us? No contempt? No regrets? Yes. There is a reason. And I believe that reason is to shed light into a dark place within each other that shows us we have grown. We have come a long way from the days of awkwardness, teenage angst and juvenile fears. We have made it valiantly into the hands of adulthood where we can look forward without fear of what we once were. To you, I thank you for showing me that I really have come a long way. Thank you for loving the person I was and for being interested in the person I am now. I am glad, despite all things, that you were a part of my life. That chapter has ended, long ago, but life has an interesting way of doing flashbacks.

To this person, I believe you know who you are. If you're reading this and wondering, "Is she talking about me?" chances are I am. Friendship is a valuable, valuable gift that I believe is just like the woman said. We breathe each other in, we help each other grow, we create a world of constant comfort that can only be built by a friend. Friends are oxygen. To my new friends, know that I am so greatful to have met you and I look forward to many years of friendship and laughter.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Pure Hatred.

I don't write much any more. That's a given. But tonight, I just had to let this little bit of me out there in the open, throw it into the cosmic void that is the internet, and set it free. I have such deep and unquenching sadness weighing on my heart at this moment, that I'm not really sure what to say. Tonight I learned of a 2 year old child that was raped, sodomized and severely beaten. Due to the confines of my job I cannot share the details, and believe me, you wouldn't want me to anyway. But please, say your prayers for this precious baby and her warriors, the county deputies, police officers and medical staff that are working in her name. Pray that she pulls through and that her attacker meets his judgement. I would also like to say that I am thoroughly impressed with the medical staff and law enforcement officers that didn't take the opportunity to murder him when they had the chance. I am not a vindictive person, but I can honestly say that I have hate in me right now that I'm not sure I would have been able to control if I had to be the one to contact him. Good thing for him, I sit behind a radio.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

It just screamed BLOG ME.

Nothing wild and crazy has occured since my last post. A little of this, a little of that, but truly, nothing that just screamed BLOG ME! A couple good dates gone bad, a few crazy 911 calls at work and a minor car accident. At one point, I would have run to the computer eager to blog about such things, but there really wasn't any way to talk about any of them without a) making the bad date feel bad about himself, b) breaking the confidentiality agreement of the job, or c) making someone feel bad about something they had no control over. So, I have kept to myself for the most part, sharing the vivid details of my life with those closest too me and not parading them about the internet. I used to LOVE to blog, but it just seems that I have begun to outgrow it. I never know quite what to say anymore. Words used to come so easily, but now, they seem strained and forced. Strange thing is, I really want to love this again. For the past two days I have been grasping for words to explain what I have been feeling lately, but there just haven't been any. I can't explain it to myself, let alone anyone else. I have the same typical yearnings that I always have, it just seems that they are more prevalent then ever. My best friend is having a baby and two more friends have recently given birth to their own little bundles of joy. On top of that, I am doing more photography. Wedding photography. Imagine what that does to a person who feels like the perpetual single maiden of the village. Both weddings were exponentially gorgeous and I am honored to have been the photographer, it's just that you are forced to focus on all the details of the happy couple and all that make them unique. The little looks, sweet kisses, gentle caresses...etc, etc. For the love of Pete!! I love it...but good grief.
As above stated, I have been doing a lot more photography as of late. The new job has opened many doors in that arena. I have many coworkers who have graduating seniors and little ones, so I have been honored and blessed with the task of being their in house photographer. I also have a couple repeat customers and did some prom pictures too. I'll put some examples at the bottom of this post so you can see what I have been up to. I have already been asked to do two more weddings, one in October and one TBA. I really do look forward to it. This hobby has become so much more to me. I genuinely love it and it brings me great joy. Many people have asked me if I want to make it a permanent career and to that I emphatically say, "No!" This is a fabulous hobby and I am truly blessed, but I love what I do for a career. I couldn't have asked for a better set of coworkers and friends and I love every aspect of my job. I never in a million years would have seen myself doing Emergency Communications, but it seems fitting now. In every way.
On a funnier note, let me share with you this past weekend. I went to Woodward, OK in order to shoot a wedding at Boiling Springs State Park. Let me begin by letting everyone know, do NOT waste a precious moment of life visiting Boiling Springs. It was a muddy pit. Really. I wish I had taken at least one photograph so that people would believe me when I describe just how truly disgusting this place was. Literally, the springs is a hole in ground that has been surrounded by concrete and a pavillion placed over it. It has seen better day's, I'm sure. The pillars are all but falling down from the rot and it smells of mold. There are dead birds and bugs all over the place and spider webs on everything! The pit is exactly that, a pit. There is approximately 12 inches from the rim of the pit to the actual water. The sides of the pit are slimy and green with moss and other goo. In the water, there are candy wrappers and various coins, which I'm assuming at one point were "wishes". And there, in the corner, barely visible, is the spring. An area of mud under the water that is rolling and bubbling...yes, as if "boiling". Hence the name, Boiling Springs. It was disgusting, smelly and not in the least big photographic. Thank goodness other areas of the park had creeks and rock stepways in order to take some decent pictures of the bride and her crew. As long as we weren't too close to the actual water during photos, they turned out okay. In the ones where it was visible I had to PhotoShop out the sludge. Despite the wicked smell, humidity that made you want to peel your own skin off and mosquitos the size of hummingbirds, it was a lovely event. :)
Let's see...what else? Oh! I was looking into buying a house. I have since chose to postpone this venture as finances need to be in a little better order before I take that leap. I went and looked at a couple and fell in love with them both. One was in dire need of some renovations but I could just picture all the things I would do to it. It had so much charm and potential I could almost scream. My mom even began makig plans in her head for all the things that could be done. However, the amount of money that would have been necessary would have sent me into financial coma. The second house cost more initially, but needed far less repairs. For that matter, it was move-in ready. However, it was a three bedroom house with two bedrooms and a two car garage. A little too much house for me. What would I do if I bought a house for a life I didn't have? All that space, and all those utility bills, for what? So, the dream has been postponed. I still, however, catch myself checking out for sale signs in neighbors and dreaming of what could be.
A woman at work loaned me a couple books and I must tell you about them. I recommend these to ALL WOMEN! Holy crap...this hilarity. I just can't even begin to explain. Look up the titles The Sweet Potato Queens' Book of Love and God Save the Sweet Potato Queens. Seriously, I can't even begin to tell you how badly I need some of their "Fat Mama's Knock You Naked Margarita's"! If there are any volunteers to help me sample a batch, you just let me know! Barbara (the woman who loaned me the books) has decided that we too, need to be queens of something. I couldn't agree more. We all need to be queens of something. On that note, I shall bring this to a close. Have a good day all!