Thursday, January 18, 2007

Yada, yada, yada...

Can you believe I used to be a blogging fool?! Now it seems that they are few and far between. I haven't felt that I have had much worth writing about these last few months, or at least nothing that would particularly interest the few that read this. I think most of it had to do with the fact that I was terribly unhappy at my previous job. I began to feel claustrophobic and stationary. I felt like my life had come to a screeching hault and I had no control over anything. I had moved into my own apartment and suddenly felt free...but alone at the exact same time. I missed the daily, sometimes hourly, interaction with people and had to find ways to entertain myself. I took another photography class which definately did the trick for awhile, but you can only heal a wound with a bandaid for so long. I took a step back and forced myself to look at the big picture. Why was it that I was so unhappy? I decided to make a change with the new career path. Yes, it has been stressful, but it has been an unbelievable shove into a direction I had no idea I was looking for. This life change also forced me to reexamine some relationships and friendships. I viewed them under a microscope and realized I was fooling myself into thinking other people were the answer to making me happy. It's not their fault. Yes, we grew apart, but it was simply because I was doing just that...growing. I value each person who had a hand in my life at that point, but the saying really is true, some people are only in our lives for a reason or a season. There's nothing wrong with saying, "I used to be friends with..." when you accept that things really do change. What seems like a bad thing, sometimes turns out to be an incredible, shadowed blessing.

I was asked at the beginning of this month if I had made any resolutions and I defiantly said no. I think they are a waste of time because people always set their expectations so high. Why do we do that to ourselves? Then, I got an email from my mom that I though deserved repeating. It said, "I think in terms of the days resolutions, not the years." I guess it really is a better idea to focus on 365 little hurdles than one, insurmountable one. Each day, I try to see myself as a valuable person. I find it so easy to see all the things about me that I don't like or all the things I think someone else won't like, but I can never seem to muster the confidence to say, "I'm worthy." Yes, I have unbelievable standards when it comes to guys and I value myself enough to know I deserve someone great, but I tend to always think that people are too good for me. Or with my job, I have had to have TWO pep-talks from different trainers where they have pleaded with me to have confidence in myself and know that I really am doing a good job. So, this year, my daily resolution is going to be convincing myself that I AM GOOD ENOUGH!

I know this post was completely random and most of you quit after the first sentence, but I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. I always found blogging to be cathartic and I think it's an outlet I should take advantage of. So brace yourself! More randomness to come...I promise.

Have a good day all!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I miss you tons! We need to get together soon and catch up. Call me and we can set a date! Love you lots.