Sunday, June 08, 2008

The Things We Learn

Per my usual I have waited an unbelievable amount of time between blogs. I would love to say this is my way of keeping you on your toes, but it's really just because a) I have been lazy, or b) I have had nothing worthwhile to say.

I had a really weird dream last night that caused me to think about some things. In this dream, I was on a roller coaster. As it started out on the track, I felt terrified. I remember feeling this overwhelming anxiety and panic. Every time it dipped, turned, flipped or jolted, I would feel my stomach rise into my throat. Then suddenly, out of no where, there was a man sitting next to me in the car. He was handsome, strong and a wonderfully comforting presence. Amazing enough, I did not have the same fear as before. The anxiety was gone, but I was still holding onto to the safety bar with bright, white knuckles. I looked at the man who had brought me such comfort, and suddenly realized he was covered in obscure tattoos. They were on his face, his arms, his chest... I asked him what they meant and as he began to describe them in vivid detail, I was shocked. Each one had a meaning of anger, sadness, hatred...he was judgemental, unable to trust others, and had deep seeded feelings of resentment. Suddenly, this person I felt so warmed by, so protected by, was nothing more than a shell of man. Next thing I knew, I was in the car alone. But this time, there was no anxiety. I felt myself letting go of the safety bar and raising slightly out of the seat during each dramatic drop. Instead of fearing the next curve, I knew exactly where they were and when they would occur. I felt confident that I could handle them on my own and anticipated them with excitement, rather than worry. I woke up...saying, "WTF?"

A feeling of loss followed me around all day. Like I missed this guy in my dream. But I was also haunted and enlightened with the feeling that I didn't need him. I may miss him, but I didn't need him. I was okay. I guess this dream must have stemmed from something in my life, as most of mine tend to. I have the WEIRDEST dreams. Those of you that know me well, know this about me.

Lately, I have had some encounters with people that have left me unsettled. I am a very trusting person and find myself often being disappointed by the character of people. This is my own problem, as I shouldn't come to expect people to behave in a certain manner, but it just seems that I am surrounded by people that I truly question whether I should even be around. I don't want to turn my back on people, because I care about them, but I feel lately that I'm hurting myself by continuing to expose myself to them. I won't go into any specific details here, but I have some very strong feelings against people who say things about the choices my friends make that have absolutely nothing to do with them. Their hypocritical, holier than thou attitude disgusts me. They truly do not understand the statement, "those who live in glass houses, should not throw stones." Seriously, what in the world gives you the right to judge them? Look at yourself, at your lifestyle, and then tell me honestly who the better person is. I dare you. My friends will win hands down. A good heart beats a great ability to quote scripture any day. God loves us all. As long as you welcome Him into your heart and ask for forgiveness, you are welcomed Home. So where do you get off assuming that MY friend, my wonderful, big hearted, would give you the shirt of his back friend, is a bad person and automatically going to Hell? On top of that, why are denominations so prevalent? Does it really matter if we're Methodist, Pentecostal, Episcopalian, Lutheran, Baptist...whatever? God is God. If you believe that the Pentecostal version of God doesn't love people who worship the Lutheran version of God, shouldn't you perhaps re-examine your definition of God? I believe in One God, One Prayer, One Church. (Oh lala, la la la...right Caitlin?! haha!) I am also extremely tired of being around people who openly cheat on their spouses by requesting things of me that they KNOW they won't get or the ones that believe having dirty, inappropriate conversations with other people isn't cheating because you have not had sex with them. Emotional cheating, is cheating. Why can't you take that energy home to your spouse? I bet your marriage would be a happier one. This coming from a single person, but it's just an observation.

Now that I am sure I have sufficiently pissed off a good chunk of people or at least given a topic they feel we should debate, I am going to sign off. G'nite all.


Amanda said...

Ummmm... I think it's about that time...

Amanda said...

where's your post slacker???? I've met some cool people on here.check out "MY FAV". She's a real writer, I feel like I know "somebody"!! And just so you know my word verification word is "braptist" isn't that funny???

Amanda said...

ahemmmm,,,,I think you know what I"m talkin bout...get in the game!! Check out dJ Kirby, I think you would love her, let me know what ya think!!