BabyLove Part2

I received a comment on last nights blog from someone I have come to call a friend. A bloggo-buddy if you will. She told me, "Do not ever feel badly about being sentimental. We live in a world where people are becoming colder, distracted and self-involved more and more. We need more sentimentality. It's good to have feelings." And on that note, I share with you a little, bite sized package of hope. I held a 2 week old baby boy in my arms tonight. He cooed, he gurgled, he yawned. Precious is not even a word that could begin to describe baby Ephraim. The most precious part however, was that this seven pound bundle of pure heaven was passed from arm to arm in a room full of men. I watched as each heart melted, as each man smiled and as each baby coo was returned with an adult coo. My heart grew two sizes...

Holiday Humbug

Do you ever wish there is something you could change about yourself?
I do.
And it's not what one would expect. Sure, I wish I were prettier, smarter, funnier, had super human strength and agility with laserbeamsandmadcrazypowersandwickedcoolcatlikereflexes!!! Sorry...got distracted...the thing I wish for today, is to be LESS SENTIMENTAL.
Everything about the holidays makes me weepy. I hate that my family is scattered to the four winds and that I don't have one single, solitary family tradition intact. I went to my Grandma's this weekend and it made me sad that there wasn't a single member of her family with her on Thanksgiving. She had dinner with her neighbors. Given, her neighbors are precious and just as good (if not better) than family, but that still didn't keep me from feeling sad. My Grandma is one of those amazing people that you know has more strength than you'll ever see. She has lived alone for almost ten years now and takes care of everything as if she'd done it all along. She volunteers at the hospital as an auxiallary member and takes care of everyone as if they were a part of her family. She quilts, bakes and is just all around one of those wonderful people. You can't help but love her. Not to mention, she's down right hilarious. This morning, she told me that just last week she went to the post office and went to put her keys in her pocket, only to realize she had put her pants on backwards. "Well, Liz...honey...I don't have a butt! The pants fit both ways." OMG...Grandma's are great. I sat with her on the sofa, looking through pictures of all of her great-grand babies and it made me so unbelievably sad to think that she may never see me walk down the aisle and she may never know my children. Not that I think she's going anywhere anytime soon, but the prospects are not looking too brilliant for me at the moment. :) And, I plan on going against the recent family grain and doing the marriage/baby thing in the correct order. So that led me onto another holiday custom of mine of being sad that I'll be alone on the holidays. I have my mom of course, but that doesn't help with whole marriage/baby venture. But I will tell you that my mom has met her landlords handyman and is trying to break things in her house just so she can have me come over and meet him. He's too young for me, but she doesn't care. "Liz! He's sweet, and polite, and smart, and polite, and handsome, and did I mention polite?"

It's pathetic how sad I get about these things. It's just the holiday humbugs getting me and this too shall pass.

G'nite all.

Overload!

I am on an emotional overload this evening. I mean...for real. I feel this uber-necessary need to watch an intensely masculine movie just so I won't feel quite so damn GIRLIE! I spent this weekend with my best friend and her family, which is always a hoot. However, this particular weekend we went to a baby shower where two of the women were pregnant and there were approximately 50-bajillion small children. I LOVE kids but even I was a little overwhelmed. They were adorable though and there were more than a few times that my ovaries hurt. :) I want me some squishy babies! (That sounded kinda gross, eh? Mmmm...baby...the other white meat.) THEN! Post babyrama my friend and her hubby invited some friends over. There were three two year olds and a 8 month old. OMG! I was the only non-coupled individual in the house and was surrounded by four reasons I HATE being single. I was suddenly very aware of my singleness. BUT THAT'S OKAY! No need to feel sorry for myself, because I also know that my best friends husband FARTS ON HER MUFFINS and there are plenty of little marriage jewels I can live without. :) Love you BRENT! I also just sat here and watched an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and bawled like a flippin' baby. Not just a little teary mind you, I'm talkin' rollin'-down-the-cheeks-gotta-get-a-tissue tears. After that, I decided to check my email and realized I hadn't blogged in quite some time. Mid-blog, my uncle calls to let me know that my great aunt is dying and more than likely won't make it through the night. He also asked me if I was coming home for Thanksgiving. I wasn't sad originally because I got a great new job and was so unbelievably thankful. But now, it's a little harder when I stop and think of the things I'm missing. I miss going to my grandparents house for thanksgiving dinner in Watonga where we would watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and hunting specials on television. Ever since my granddad passed away, it hasn't been the same. It seems that everyone makes less effort to go home. I miss holiday's at my Illinois families house too. Holidays there were always such a big deal. House FULL of family, lots of great food, lots of laughs and usually a game of poker after dinner where Grandpa would give me all his pocket change. :) That's where I was last year at this time. Holidays are just different. This year, I will be in training for my job until 7am Thanksgiving morning and then I'll go home to my little apartment and sleep so I can be back to work at 11pm. I am NOT complaining. I am extravagantly greatful for this job and for all the opportunities it will bring. Chances are I wouldn't have been able to go home if I had worked at the former job either. It's just been an emotionally wearing weekend and it makes me long even more for family. I'm going to find a movie in my stash with Jean Claude or Rambo in it now. I need testosterone. NO CHICK FLICKS TONIGHT!

Miscellaneous

I haven't written anything in what feels like forever. It's weird, how this actually becomes like an addiction, like I NEED to unleash myself this way. But for the past month or so, I haven't felt like writing. Basically, there were a lot of things I wanted to vent about, but I was censoring myself. Things I wanted to say made me feel like I was pointing the finger of blame at someone else and that made me feel rotten. Everything else I wanted to write about, just felt insignificant in comparison to the emotions I had going on inside. So, here is a list of things that made me smile or cry the past couple of months. Maybe listing them out this way will help me to release without unraveling.

*I babysat for a 3 year old boy last weekend. I watch him quite abit. He sat on the couch beside me, coloring his BEST pooh bear EVER and said, "Liz, you're my favorite person in the whole world. THE WHOLE WORLD!" (heart melting...insert here) Later, we played baseball outside and every time he got up to bat, he'd knock the invisible dirt of his shoes with the bat and say, "Let's see what you got!"

*I listened to a life being saved.

*I had my heart broken by someone I mistakenly thought was a friend. She took everything I ever said to her, twisted it, and turned it against me. She is probably the most caniving and two faced person I have ever met. I give her that rank because she was so good at it. She portrays herself as this loving, spiritual, caring individual, when really, she is hateful and I think she knows it.

*I was told I was beautiful by someone I HATED in high school. He did everything in his power to make me feel sub-human and now says he treated me badly because he had feelings for me.

*I sent an old friend a Happy Birthday message on their myspace...and they deleted it.

*I felt extreme jealousy for people I saw at lunch today. They were married. They were giggling and holding hands while laughing and playing with their baby daughter. I want that.

*I felt guilt this month. I have two friends who live miles away who needed me for various reasons, but I don't ever call anyone.

*I discovered that I hate Halloween. It appears it is merely a day devoted to bimbos and closet-bimbos who feel the need to embrace their inner tramp. Why does every costume have to be "naughty"? Naughty witch, naughty schoolgirl, naughty nurse, naughty-assemblylineinspector lady... Yeah, you get the picture.

*I took pictures at a 1 year olds b-day party last weekend. I have never seen so much red icing on one human body. Well...except for that one time... JUST KIDDING.

*I get to take couples photos this weekend as well as a wedding shower for a coworkers fiancee. Taking pictures makes me SO happy!

*Every day this week I have driven around in a police car and saw the good, the bad, and the ugly of the town I live in. It's amazing what you see when you really look...especially when you realize all the stuff you missed simply because you were too busy.

*I have heard the Hinder song "Lips of an angel" at least six times today. It is SO overplayed!! OMG.

*I embarassed myself at work yesterday. I laughed at myself because of it and may have scored brownie points. Apparently, they think I'm "pretty cool". Aside from the fact that I'm told I need "culture" because I can't name a single Merl Haggard song. BP will back me up when I say, "Sorry, but I'm in the SCHOOL OF ROCK!"

*I felt fear for the first time that this job is going to kick my ass. And surprisingly enough, it had nothing to do with any of the things I had prepared myself for. STUDY TIME!

*I called my best friend Kristen the other day and could hear her daughter in the background. I asked if I could say hi to her. This little, innocent, 2 year old voice gets on the phone. "Hiiii, my Dizzi!" My heart melted. :)

*The above mentioned best friend's hubby went hunting the other day and I was told they were preparing deer meat. "OH! He caught one?!" "Liz", she replied, "you don't catch them, you shoot them." DOH!

*I was asked by my boss yesterday how my day was going. I resonded with, "Delightful, thank you." "Delightful?" he asks with a grin. "I don't think I've EVER had an employee tell me they were 'delightful'." (I work with cops...if one of them said "delightful", i'd be worried.) Another employee walked up and asked him how he was doing. My boss responded, "Delightful, thank you." :) Spread joy where you can.

*I was greeted at the door of work this morning by an officer I saw as "surly". I politely asked him how he was and his answer? "Blessed. And you?"...."Delightful, thank you."

*My best friend Drew called me on Halloween to let me know he had ordered the pizza and had the movie all keyed up ready for me. We had a tradition from the time we were in the 8th grade that we would order pizza and watch Rocky Horror Picture Show (including ALL sing-alongs and dances, mind you). One year, we even ventured so far as to take his little sister trick-or-treating. I have never seen a child so scared in all my life. Candy bag...STRAIGHT in the air at the sight of a man in a vampire costume a block away. haha! We haven't been able to have our Halloween get together in about six years, but that never stops him from remembering. I love, love, love you DREW!

*Hurt feelings were brought back with an apology from an old friend, but it helped to smooth things over. Time heals all wounds.

I think that is enough for now. I have unloaded QUITE enough for one evening. I'm off to study work schtuff. G'nite all...and God Bless.