I haven't written anything in what feels like forever. It's weird, how this actually becomes like an addiction, like I NEED to unleash myself this way. But for the past month or so, I haven't felt like writing. Basically, there were a lot of things I wanted to vent about, but I was censoring myself. Things I wanted to say made me feel like I was pointing the finger of blame at someone else and that made me feel rotten. Everything else I wanted to write about, just felt insignificant in comparison to the emotions I had going on inside. So, here is a list of things that made me smile or cry the past couple of months. Maybe listing them out this way will help me to release without unraveling.
*I babysat for a 3 year old boy last weekend. I watch him quite abit. He sat on the couch beside me, coloring his BEST pooh bear EVER and said, "Liz, you're my favorite person in the whole world. THE WHOLE WORLD!" (heart melting...insert here) Later, we played baseball outside and every time he got up to bat, he'd knock the invisible dirt of his shoes with the bat and say, "Let's see what you got!"
*I listened to a life being saved.
*I had my heart broken by someone I mistakenly thought was a friend. She took everything I ever said to her, twisted it, and turned it against me. She is probably the most caniving and two faced person I have ever met. I give her that rank because she was so good at it. She portrays herself as this loving, spiritual, caring individual, when really, she is hateful and I think she knows it.
*I was told I was beautiful by someone I HATED in high school. He did everything in his power to make me feel sub-human and now says he treated me badly because he had feelings for me.
*I sent an old friend a Happy Birthday message on their myspace...and they deleted it.
*I felt extreme jealousy for people I saw at lunch today. They were married. They were giggling and holding hands while laughing and playing with their baby daughter. I want that.
*I felt guilt this month. I have two friends who live miles away who needed me for various reasons, but I don't ever call anyone.
*I discovered that I hate Halloween. It appears it is merely a day devoted to bimbos and closet-bimbos who feel the need to embrace their inner tramp. Why does every costume have to be "naughty"? Naughty witch, naughty schoolgirl, naughty nurse, naughty-assemblylineinspector lady... Yeah, you get the picture.
*I took pictures at a 1 year olds b-day party last weekend. I have never seen so much red icing on one human body. Well...except for that one time... JUST KIDDING.
*I get to take couples photos this weekend as well as a wedding shower for a coworkers fiancee. Taking pictures makes me SO happy!
*Every day this week I have driven around in a police car and saw the good, the bad, and the ugly of the town I live in. It's amazing what you see when you really look...especially when you realize all the stuff you missed simply because you were too busy.
*I have heard the Hinder song "Lips of an angel" at least six times today. It is SO overplayed!! OMG.
*I embarassed myself at work yesterday. I laughed at myself because of it and may have scored brownie points. Apparently, they think I'm "pretty cool". Aside from the fact that I'm told I need "culture" because I can't name a single Merl Haggard song. BP will back me up when I say, "Sorry, but I'm in the SCHOOL OF ROCK!"
*I felt fear for the first time that this job is going to kick my ass. And surprisingly enough, it had nothing to do with any of the things I had prepared myself for. STUDY TIME!
*I called my best friend Kristen the other day and could hear her daughter in the background. I asked if I could say hi to her. This little, innocent, 2 year old voice gets on the phone. "Hiiii, my Dizzi!" My heart melted. :)
*The above mentioned best friend's hubby went hunting the other day and I was told they were preparing deer meat. "OH! He caught one?!" "Liz", she replied, "you don't catch them, you shoot them." DOH!
*I was asked by my boss yesterday how my day was going. I resonded with, "Delightful, thank you." "Delightful?" he asks with a grin. "I don't think I've EVER had an employee tell me they were 'delightful'." (I work with cops...if one of them said "delightful", i'd be worried.) Another employee walked up and asked him how he was doing. My boss responded, "Delightful, thank you." :) Spread joy where you can.
*I was greeted at the door of work this morning by an officer I saw as "surly". I politely asked him how he was and his answer? "Blessed. And you?"...."Delightful, thank you."
*My best friend Drew called me on Halloween to let me know he had ordered the pizza and had the movie all keyed up ready for me. We had a tradition from the time we were in the 8th grade that we would order pizza and watch Rocky Horror Picture Show (including ALL sing-alongs and dances, mind you). One year, we even ventured so far as to take his little sister trick-or-treating. I have never seen a child so scared in all my life. Candy bag...STRAIGHT in the air at the sight of a man in a vampire costume a block away. haha! We haven't been able to have our Halloween get together in about six years, but that never stops him from remembering. I love, love, love you DREW!
*Hurt feelings were brought back with an apology from an old friend, but it helped to smooth things over. Time heals all wounds.
I think that is enough for now. I have unloaded QUITE enough for one evening. I'm off to study work schtuff. G'nite all...and God Bless.