Do you ever wish there is something you could change about yourself?
And it's not what one would expect. Sure, I wish I were prettier, smarter, funnier, had super human strength and agility with laserbeamsandmadcrazypowersandwickedcoolcatlikereflexes!!! Sorry...got distracted...the thing I wish for today, is to be LESS SENTIMENTAL.
Everything about the holidays makes me weepy. I hate that my family is scattered to the four winds and that I don't have one single, solitary family tradition intact. I went to my Grandma's this weekend and it made me sad that there wasn't a single member of her family with her on Thanksgiving. She had dinner with her neighbors. Given, her neighbors are precious and just as good (if not better) than family, but that still didn't keep me from feeling sad. My Grandma is one of those amazing people that you know has more strength than you'll ever see. She has lived alone for almost ten years now and takes care of everything as if she'd done it all along. She volunteers at the hospital as an auxiallary member and takes care of everyone as if they were a part of her family. She quilts, bakes and is just all around one of those wonderful people. You can't help but love her. Not to mention, she's down right hilarious. This morning, she told me that just last week she went to the post office and went to put her keys in her pocket, only to realize she had put her pants on backwards. "Well, Liz...honey...I don't have a butt! The pants fit both ways." OMG...Grandma's are great. I sat with her on the sofa, looking through pictures of all of her great-grand babies and it made me so unbelievably sad to think that she may never see me walk down the aisle and she may never know my children. Not that I think she's going anywhere anytime soon, but the prospects are not looking too brilliant for me at the moment. :) And, I plan on going against the recent family grain and doing the marriage/baby thing in the correct order. So that led me onto another holiday custom of mine of being sad that I'll be alone on the holidays. I have my mom of course, but that doesn't help with whole marriage/baby venture. But I will tell you that my mom has met her landlords handyman and is trying to break things in her house just so she can have me come over and meet him. He's too young for me, but she doesn't care. "Liz! He's sweet, and polite, and smart, and polite, and handsome, and did I mention polite?"
It's pathetic how sad I get about these things. It's just the holiday humbugs getting me and this too shall pass.