1. Who was your first prom date? I only went to prom my senior year and my date was one of my best friends in the whole world, Nathan Welsh. He picked me up in his granddads black Cadillac, took me to dinner...everything. Best date I ever had.
2. Who was your first roommate(s)? Christen Parnell, Caitlin Foster, Edwin Lee and Matt Perrier
3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time? This will make my dad and grandpa happy! haha! Both times I ever got drunk were with my Uncle Mark (rum n' coke) when I was 17 and my Aunt Christine the very next night (screwdrivers). haha!!
4. What was your first job? Holiday slave labor at The Buckle when I was 16.
5. What was your first car? First one I drove was mom's 90-something Honda Accord. First one I bought myself was a 00 Toyota Corolla.
6. When did you go to your first funeral? I've been to way too many to count, sadly. I believe my first was when I was really little. It was in Watonga, OK and I believe it was a great grandparent.
7. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? I moved to Quincy, IL when I was 13 and moved to Watonga, OK when I was 18. Moved to Stillwater, OK the same year and don't plan on moving again for a LONG time!
8. Who was your first grade teacher? Mrs. Wilson. She was also my 2nd grade teacher.
9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Orlando, FL with my family. Best vacation ever!!
10. When did you sneak out of your house for the first time, who was it with? I never snuck out of my house. The doors were too creaky. haha! I snuck out of friends houses before, but not to do anything bad. We'd just all meet and the end of the block and sit and talk. Seriously!
11. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them? My very first best friend was Kristen Cunningham!! We met in pre-school in Enid, OK. We are even better friends today! Seriously, I drive to see her and her family almost every weekend. haha!
12. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents house? Moved into a house with four other people. LOVED IT!
13. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? I usually don't call anyone to be quite honest. If its that bad, I just sit at home and mope. ha!
14. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsman? I have never been a bridesmaid. I have been a greeter, cake cutter, program handerouter, scripture reader, guest book attendant and candid "behind the scenes" photgrapher.
15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Get in the shower.
16. How was your first date? Oh man...I don't even remember my first date. I'm assuming it was probably with Kory, but I don't even remember.
17. First tattoo or piercing? First piercing was my ears when I was seven, then again when I was 14. I got my upper ear done when I was 16 I think and I have never pierced anything BUT my ears. I have 5 total. First tattoo was when I was 18 and 2nd was when I was 23.
18. First celebrity crush? I honestly don't remember. I guess probably Johnny Depp. OH! Or maybe Uncle Jesse from Full House! haha!
19. Age of first kiss? however old I was summer after 9th grade. Eeeew...
20. First crush? I think his name was Tyler but I dont' remember. It was in kindergarten!
21. First girlfriend/boyfriend? Curtis Quillin- 6th grade
22. First word? I have no idea. I'd have to ask my parents. Dad?
23. First broken bone and when? Have never (knock on wood) actually broken a bone. I minorly cracked my elbow in high school when I got run over by a bass drum in band. haha!
24. First cd? Ace of Base
25. First favorite movie? Parent Trap
26. Age you were the first time you ever got drunk? 17
27. First class you ever failed? I have never failed a class. Got my first C my senior year of high school. Blech. Pre-Calculus. That was a bad year.
28. First favorite food? I LOVED cheese. Seriously. I'd eat cheetos, cheese sandwiches, mac n' cheese, sliced cheese. I didn't care. Now...lactose intolerant! What a bitch!
29. First detention? 3rd grade, Enid OK. Mrs. O'Donnell caught me talking in the hall. Funny story. 10 years later she walks into the store I was working at in Stillwater and she REMEMBERED ME. Freaky.
30. First suspension? Senior year of high school. It was only a half day of in school suspension!! haha! I slapped my ex boyfriend in the hallway when I found out he was cheating on me. :) SO worth it. :)
I tag: (post your answers in the comments section if you want)
Kristen Shay
Lil-Red
Caitertot
Nicotine Jones
Dad (YMAN)
Friday, March 31, 2006
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Oh, ears! Please fail me now...
What is the weirdest thing you overheard today, that you desperately wish you hadn't?
Me? Okay, so I was walking to the Student Union to pay my BLASTED BURSAR BILL so that I can enroll next semester. As I was crossing the road I ended up walking in front of two girls. I have no idea what the context of their conversation was and whether or not this was a joke but...eeeewww...
Girl: I'm kind of a whore. I'm working on my freshman 15, and I'm not talking pounds.
Like I said...Eeeewww...
Me? Okay, so I was walking to the Student Union to pay my BLASTED BURSAR BILL so that I can enroll next semester. As I was crossing the road I ended up walking in front of two girls. I have no idea what the context of their conversation was and whether or not this was a joke but...eeeewww...
Girl: I'm kind of a whore. I'm working on my freshman 15, and I'm not talking pounds.
Like I said...Eeeewww...
IQ
Congratulations, Elizabeth!
Your IQ score is 127
This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.
Your Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you're able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas. And that's just a small part of what we know about you from your test results.
This was fun! Wanna do it too? Go to www.tickle.com.
Your IQ score is 127
This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.
Your Intellectual Type is Word Warrior. This means you have exceptional verbal skills. You can easily make sense of complex issues and take an unusually creative approach to solving problems. Your strengths also make you a visionary. Even without trying you're able to come up with lots of new and creative ideas. And that's just a small part of what we know about you from your test results.
This was fun! Wanna do it too? Go to www.tickle.com.
The Storm
*another piece for Creative Writing, OSU
The Storm
The storm in the heart rages on
like a warning beacon to the lonely.
Beware!
For those who are the most forlorn
are the most likely to be captured.
The storm in the mind rages on
like a debate gone madly awry.
Tread lightly!
For those who are quick to speak
often lose their own meaning.
The storm in the soul rages on
like a desperate cry for attention.
Use caution!
For those who stand for nothing
are liable to fall for anything.
The Storm
The storm in the heart rages on
like a warning beacon to the lonely.
Beware!
For those who are the most forlorn
are the most likely to be captured.
The storm in the mind rages on
like a debate gone madly awry.
Tread lightly!
For those who are quick to speak
often lose their own meaning.
The storm in the soul rages on
like a desperate cry for attention.
Use caution!
For those who stand for nothing
are liable to fall for anything.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Thank you
Thank you Jay Ba. & Jay Bo., for the encouraging compliments and constructive criticism. It means more than you know. :)
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!
I am seriously starting to have a panic attack here. It has hit me just how hard this next semester is going to be.
1) I am moving out on my own.
2) I'm dropping from full time to part time status at work due to the demands of my class schedule and the uncompromising work schedule.
Here's where I start to panic. Moving is going to cause an incredible hike in my rent. From approximately $300 a month to closer to $500. Dropping from full time is going to mean my boss revokes my insurance suppliment meaning that I am now responsible for all 100%, $200, of it (if I want to keep it). This also means that I will no longer be receiving my scholarship funded by my boss which has equaled approximately $800 per school year. Not to mention the simple fact that my paycheck will be dramatically smaller and there will be no more personal time and paid vacation days.
Is college worth this? How in the world do people do this on their own? I hate to complain, because I know there are people out there who have it worse than I, but I tell you what, this is damn hard. I pay all my own bills, I have a nice car, I have a retirement savings plan (which now that I think about it, may be taken away too). I have many things for which to be thankful for, but it seems that all those things are slowly but surely being threatened by my quest for higher education. What the crap?
1) I am moving out on my own.
2) I'm dropping from full time to part time status at work due to the demands of my class schedule and the uncompromising work schedule.
Here's where I start to panic. Moving is going to cause an incredible hike in my rent. From approximately $300 a month to closer to $500. Dropping from full time is going to mean my boss revokes my insurance suppliment meaning that I am now responsible for all 100%, $200, of it (if I want to keep it). This also means that I will no longer be receiving my scholarship funded by my boss which has equaled approximately $800 per school year. Not to mention the simple fact that my paycheck will be dramatically smaller and there will be no more personal time and paid vacation days.
Is college worth this? How in the world do people do this on their own? I hate to complain, because I know there are people out there who have it worse than I, but I tell you what, this is damn hard. I pay all my own bills, I have a nice car, I have a retirement savings plan (which now that I think about it, may be taken away too). I have many things for which to be thankful for, but it seems that all those things are slowly but surely being threatened by my quest for higher education. What the crap?
Monday, March 27, 2006
Weekend Cont...
I promised to continue the story, so here goes.
Saturday continues...
Brent, Kristen and I left Pipeline Tattoo Company around 7:45 PM and began our treck back home to El Reno. I drove, as Brent had driven the entire way. We took the directions provided to us by Adrian the Tattoo Guru and made our way back to our designated highway. After driving a ways, we began to get the eery feeling we were headed the wrong way. Kristen, as usual, (haha!) had to pee so we pulled over at the nearest gas station, fueled up on Cheetos and caffeine and requested directions. We were in fact headed the correct direction and were given an accurate description of the way to get back to I-35 North as quickly and simply as possible. We did exactly what the lovely little gas station man told us to do and we SAW A SIGN!, imagine that, that said I-35. We all said our "Thank you Lord's" and continued our journey. About 30 or so minutes later, we hit some pretty intense traffic and literally feared for our lives. Kristen made Brent hold her hand because the traffic was freaking her out so bad. There were ass holes on crotch rockets zipping in and out of traffic and on numerous occasions we were greated with some mighty close calls. At one point I said, "Can you guys believe this isn't even Dallas traffic? This is just outskirts of Dallas traffic." Yeah, I was wrong. I drove straight through Dallas. Oh yes, no lie. We saw another sign...yes, another...these lovely Texans spent money on two whole signs!! Guess what it said? 635 SOUTH. Oh, blaudy hewl...How in the CRAP did we end up on 635 South? Long story, short, we ended up in Garland, Texas and had to turn ourselves around...again. We drove a loooong way out of our way and ended up not getting home until after midnight. I hate being lost more than anything, but I couldn't have been lost with better people and I have never had so much fun while being so scared.
Sunday:
Picture time! My favorite part of any blog experience.
Sunday we took Easter pictures with the ever lovely Miss Reagan and her sweet cousin, Nash. Here is where all the eggs we dyed came in to play. After all the excitement of taking pictures of children and squirmy puppies...I took a nap. :) We then went to Wal-Mart to print a few copies and I headed home. I had great music on the CD player and a magnificent sunset at my back. I did my usual pondering and meditating all the way home and enjoyed the peaceful time alone. I watched a little Grey's Anatomy and it was off to bed. It was a great weekend, but I was ready for it to be over. haha!
Today, not as good. We had a patient die today and we had another come in on emergency. The phone rang off the hook too! I love my job, I love my job, I love my job...
Have a great day all!
Saturday continues...
Brent, Kristen and I left Pipeline Tattoo Company around 7:45 PM and began our treck back home to El Reno. I drove, as Brent had driven the entire way. We took the directions provided to us by Adrian the Tattoo Guru and made our way back to our designated highway. After driving a ways, we began to get the eery feeling we were headed the wrong way. Kristen, as usual, (haha!) had to pee so we pulled over at the nearest gas station, fueled up on Cheetos and caffeine and requested directions. We were in fact headed the correct direction and were given an accurate description of the way to get back to I-35 North as quickly and simply as possible. We did exactly what the lovely little gas station man told us to do and we SAW A SIGN!, imagine that, that said I-35. We all said our "Thank you Lord's" and continued our journey. About 30 or so minutes later, we hit some pretty intense traffic and literally feared for our lives. Kristen made Brent hold her hand because the traffic was freaking her out so bad. There were ass holes on crotch rockets zipping in and out of traffic and on numerous occasions we were greated with some mighty close calls. At one point I said, "Can you guys believe this isn't even Dallas traffic? This is just outskirts of Dallas traffic." Yeah, I was wrong. I drove straight through Dallas. Oh yes, no lie. We saw another sign...yes, another...these lovely Texans spent money on two whole signs!! Guess what it said? 635 SOUTH. Oh, blaudy hewl...How in the CRAP did we end up on 635 South? Long story, short, we ended up in Garland, Texas and had to turn ourselves around...again. We drove a loooong way out of our way and ended up not getting home until after midnight. I hate being lost more than anything, but I couldn't have been lost with better people and I have never had so much fun while being so scared.
Sunday:
Picture time! My favorite part of any blog experience.
Sunday we took Easter pictures with the ever lovely Miss Reagan and her sweet cousin, Nash. Here is where all the eggs we dyed came in to play. After all the excitement of taking pictures of children and squirmy puppies...I took a nap. :) We then went to Wal-Mart to print a few copies and I headed home. I had great music on the CD player and a magnificent sunset at my back. I did my usual pondering and meditating all the way home and enjoyed the peaceful time alone. I watched a little Grey's Anatomy and it was off to bed. It was a great weekend, but I was ready for it to be over. haha!
Today, not as good. We had a patient die today and we had another come in on emergency. The phone rang off the hook too! I love my job, I love my job, I love my job...
Have a great day all!
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Bill & Ted Have Nothing on Me
*Revised*
So this has been a very interesting weekend. I shall recap...brace thy selves.
Friday: I packed the night before for the weekend, as I was staying the night in El Reno and then getting up early to make the drive to Euless, Texas. I got up as usual and went to work like any ordinary day. I ran home after work to grab Matt's PikePass (he's such a doll for letting me borrow it) and then stopped by Sonic to grab a road drink. I got on the road and made my way to Bethany, OK. I stopped there to pick up my niece (Reagan) who was at school with her mom. She was sleeping peacefully when I got there, but woke up long enough to realize I wasn't her mom. She wasn't all too happy with that situation until we got on the road and we started singing. :) She sang, "Melmo, melmo, mamamamamama..." most of the way. She is such an absolute doll. I LOVE HER! We made it to El Reno where we hung out until her Daddy and Mimi got home. It was a wonderfully, splendid time between friends but we were both ready to see some more people. (We were running out of things to sing about.) :) After Kristen got home from work, we stayed up late dying Easter eggs...(actually, Kristen did most of it.) and then Brent and I worked on designing him a tattoo. That's right...we were creating a tattoo for Brent with his baby girls initials in it. RJR. How sweet!
Saturday: Rise and Shine! Bright and early we rose to a beautiful day. We dressed for the wedding we would be attending and went to breakfast at Sid's Diner. There was a rather good looking older gentleman sitting behind us that Kristen and I immediately noticed. He was cute, until he spoke. JERK! Holy crap. I'm not 100% sure I can even accurately depict how vile I find this man, and I don't even know him. He spoke of how his woman should be, "Greatful she has a good man who works hard." He described how when he got home and his boys were home, her place was there, making it comfortable for him while he "rested" and that she should have dinner on the table and the laundry done with no complaints...yadda, yadda, yadda. OH I WAS SO CLOSE TO THROWING MY SPOON AT HIM! Lucky for him, Reagan was playing with it at the time. :) We left Sid's and took Reagan to a friend of the family's to stay the day. We got her situated and got on the road, heading South. Euless or Bust. The trip was a very enjoyable one! We played lots of random music and sang the whole way. We told stories, discussed deep and meaningful issues, some not so deep and meaningful issues and laughed a whole, whole lot. If its possible, I love these people more and more everytime I see them. We left in plenty of time and we made INCREDIBLE time, therefore, our first order of business was to look for a tattoo parlor. :) We realized quite quickly that TEXAS SUCKS. Yes, I said it. Texas is the WORST place in the world!! There is not a valid sign ANYWHERE in the dadgum state and because of this we made our way between FOUR towns in the matter of half an hour. And not one of this lovely villas was the town we were looking for. We backtracked, we circled, we finally.found. After calling two people, stopping for directions at least three times and finally finding a nice, strapping frat boy who hit on my married friend...we found the golf course. In the words of Kristen, "We have pastures and cows to seperate our towns, you people have STOP SIGNS." We finally arrived at a beautiful manicured course, with some beautifully manicured people on it. The bride was gorgeous, the attendants were ravishing, and I couldn't have been more jealous. :) I was greener than the grass. Kristen and I hung out for a bit, watched the beautiful ceremony that lasted maybe 20 minutes, sat and had a beer and then called Brent to come and get us. We had a pressing engagement...a tattoo needed to be born. Okay, so that's not all that happened. I found out my Ryan is engaged. Ryan. The sweet little kid who lived next door to me for years. The little boy who I loved like a little brother, is engaged to be married. To a girl I don't know. A girl I have not yet approved of. *sigh* Then, I was seated next to a VERY goodlooking man at the wedding and WOW did he ever smell handsome. No words were spoken, so I had no idea until we sat down at the reception together, that I was not the persuasion he seeked. Very lovely man, who sought another very lovely man. :( So sad. We left the wedding and went on another excursion to find a tattoo shoppe. We found Pipeline Tattoo Company in Euless, Texas and it was pretty dadgum sweet. Brent's tattoo guru, Adrian, was a wiz and took our design and made it a reality. Here are some photos from the weekend...more will come, because I haven't even told you about the REST of Saturday (Yes, there is more!) and Sunday! Such an insane weekend!! Much love, Liz
So this has been a very interesting weekend. I shall recap...brace thy selves.
Friday: I packed the night before for the weekend, as I was staying the night in El Reno and then getting up early to make the drive to Euless, Texas. I got up as usual and went to work like any ordinary day. I ran home after work to grab Matt's PikePass (he's such a doll for letting me borrow it) and then stopped by Sonic to grab a road drink. I got on the road and made my way to Bethany, OK. I stopped there to pick up my niece (Reagan) who was at school with her mom. She was sleeping peacefully when I got there, but woke up long enough to realize I wasn't her mom. She wasn't all too happy with that situation until we got on the road and we started singing. :) She sang, "Melmo, melmo, mamamamamama..." most of the way. She is such an absolute doll. I LOVE HER! We made it to El Reno where we hung out until her Daddy and Mimi got home. It was a wonderfully, splendid time between friends but we were both ready to see some more people. (We were running out of things to sing about.) :) After Kristen got home from work, we stayed up late dying Easter eggs...(actually, Kristen did most of it.) and then Brent and I worked on designing him a tattoo. That's right...we were creating a tattoo for Brent with his baby girls initials in it. RJR. How sweet!
Saturday: Rise and Shine! Bright and early we rose to a beautiful day. We dressed for the wedding we would be attending and went to breakfast at Sid's Diner. There was a rather good looking older gentleman sitting behind us that Kristen and I immediately noticed. He was cute, until he spoke. JERK! Holy crap. I'm not 100% sure I can even accurately depict how vile I find this man, and I don't even know him. He spoke of how his woman should be, "Greatful she has a good man who works hard." He described how when he got home and his boys were home, her place was there, making it comfortable for him while he "rested" and that she should have dinner on the table and the laundry done with no complaints...yadda, yadda, yadda. OH I WAS SO CLOSE TO THROWING MY SPOON AT HIM! Lucky for him, Reagan was playing with it at the time. :) We left Sid's and took Reagan to a friend of the family's to stay the day. We got her situated and got on the road, heading South. Euless or Bust. The trip was a very enjoyable one! We played lots of random music and sang the whole way. We told stories, discussed deep and meaningful issues, some not so deep and meaningful issues and laughed a whole, whole lot. If its possible, I love these people more and more everytime I see them. We left in plenty of time and we made INCREDIBLE time, therefore, our first order of business was to look for a tattoo parlor. :) We realized quite quickly that TEXAS SUCKS. Yes, I said it. Texas is the WORST place in the world!! There is not a valid sign ANYWHERE in the dadgum state and because of this we made our way between FOUR towns in the matter of half an hour. And not one of this lovely villas was the town we were looking for. We backtracked, we circled, we finally.found. After calling two people, stopping for directions at least three times and finally finding a nice, strapping frat boy who hit on my married friend...we found the golf course. In the words of Kristen, "We have pastures and cows to seperate our towns, you people have STOP SIGNS." We finally arrived at a beautiful manicured course, with some beautifully manicured people on it. The bride was gorgeous, the attendants were ravishing, and I couldn't have been more jealous. :) I was greener than the grass. Kristen and I hung out for a bit, watched the beautiful ceremony that lasted maybe 20 minutes, sat and had a beer and then called Brent to come and get us. We had a pressing engagement...a tattoo needed to be born. Okay, so that's not all that happened. I found out my Ryan is engaged. Ryan. The sweet little kid who lived next door to me for years. The little boy who I loved like a little brother, is engaged to be married. To a girl I don't know. A girl I have not yet approved of. *sigh* Then, I was seated next to a VERY goodlooking man at the wedding and WOW did he ever smell handsome. No words were spoken, so I had no idea until we sat down at the reception together, that I was not the persuasion he seeked. Very lovely man, who sought another very lovely man. :( So sad. We left the wedding and went on another excursion to find a tattoo shoppe. We found Pipeline Tattoo Company in Euless, Texas and it was pretty dadgum sweet. Brent's tattoo guru, Adrian, was a wiz and took our design and made it a reality. Here are some photos from the weekend...more will come, because I haven't even told you about the REST of Saturday (Yes, there is more!) and Sunday! Such an insane weekend!! Much love, Liz
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Before & After
My house this morning...followed by my house when I got home from work. That's Oklahoma for you!
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
FYI
STILLWATER, OK -- Officials from the Oklahoma State Department of Health said today that a 21-year-old Oklahoma State University female student has been diagnosed with meningitis.
The Oklahoma State Department of Health, Payne County Health Department and Oklahoma State University are working to identify all persons at risk and will recommend post-exposure antibiotics. A number of the student’s close friends have been contacted and treated.
Officials with the Oklahoma State Department of Health say the general public is not at risk. Only persons who have had close, personal contact to a person with a meningococcal infection have a slightly increased risk of developing the disease.
Meningitis is caused by the bacteria Neisseria meningitidis. The symptoms may appear two to ten days after infection, but usually appear within three to four days. People that are ill with meningitis will have fever, intense headache, nausea, vomiting, and a stiff neck. It is important to seek care from a physician as soon as possible if these symptoms appear.
A fact sheet on meningococcal disease and other information are available at http://osu.okstate.edu/news/meningitis.htm. Those with immediate health concerns should visit a local emergency room, or contact their family physician or University Health Services.
Additional information is available by contacting the Payne County Health Department at (405) 372-8200, or the Epidemiologist-on-call at the Oklahoma State Department of Health Communicable Disease Division at (405) 271-4060.
The Oklahoma State Department of Health, Payne County Health Department and Oklahoma State University are working to identify all persons at risk and will recommend post-exposure antibiotics. A number of the student’s close friends have been contacted and treated.
Officials with the Oklahoma State Department of Health say the general public is not at risk. Only persons who have had close, personal contact to a person with a meningococcal infection have a slightly increased risk of developing the disease.
Meningitis is caused by the bacteria Neisseria meningitidis. The symptoms may appear two to ten days after infection, but usually appear within three to four days. People that are ill with meningitis will have fever, intense headache, nausea, vomiting, and a stiff neck. It is important to seek care from a physician as soon as possible if these symptoms appear.
A fact sheet on meningococcal disease and other information are available at http://osu.okstate.edu/news/meningitis.htm. Those with immediate health concerns should visit a local emergency room, or contact their family physician or University Health Services.
Additional information is available by contacting the Payne County Health Department at (405) 372-8200, or the Epidemiologist-on-call at the Oklahoma State Department of Health Communicable Disease Division at (405) 271-4060.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
I'm Selling My Body
Found this interesting site that tells you how much you'd be worth if you were to put your self up for sale...
Hmm...Any buyers?
I am worth $1,499,562 on HumanForSale.com
Hmm...Any buyers?
I am worth $1,499,562 on HumanForSale.com
Monday, March 20, 2006
Memory Lane
If I wasn't already feeling kind of blue today, I sure am now.
Holy crap.
This weekend, my mom and I went through all my boxes of stuff that were stored at her house. There was a random shoe box full of miscellaneous stuff so I just brought it home with me to go through when time permitted. So, I sat down tonight, shoe box in hand, and began going through my memories. I haven't cried this much in quite some time. There were approximately 100 letters from my high school boyfriend, telling me how much he loved me and that he would love me always. Riiight... There was a letter from my mom that she wrote when my friend James died. And a letter she wrote me when I was seven. And then there was the envelope and post-it note from a dear, beloved friend who sent me a check with what little he had to offer when I was struggling. It is amazing to see in writing how much someone loves you.
Dad- I know we've had our rough times, but you'll always be my daddy and I'll always be your little girl.
Mom- I can only hope to be half the mom you are.
Mike- You're a dork. And I couldn't love you more if I tried.
Kristen- Nobody loves you like I do. And nobody ever will.
Reagan- Ant Izzi loves you like a fat kid loves cake.
Drew- I love you so much, I'd let you have my babies. :)
Matt- I compare them all to you. Thanks for being a great friend.
Edwin- I feel smarter just by sitting near you. Or is it dumber? :)
Caitlin- I'm glad we had this chance to become friends. It was so worth it.
Liz Jr.- You have made a difference in my life and you probably don't even know it.
Katie- I am more blessed to know you then I could ever put into words. I strive to be more like you.
Coworkers- You make work a part of life that I treasure. It's amazing to work with your true friends.
BloggerBuddies- I have come to look forward to your comments as much as the people I "know". You're presence is appreciated.
Clint- If you didn't realize it was you I was talking about up top, with the envelope and sticky note, now you do. You are an angel and I love you more and more each day.
Nathan- Bear. My love. You're the best date I ever had and one of the best people I have ever known.
Travis- People meet in mysterious ways...ours was divine intervention. Much love.
Suzanne- Friendship transcends time and space, but most importantly people. We're different, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
There are so many more...but I'm tired and my eyes are now all weepy. Dagnabit. :) I love you.
Holy crap.
This weekend, my mom and I went through all my boxes of stuff that were stored at her house. There was a random shoe box full of miscellaneous stuff so I just brought it home with me to go through when time permitted. So, I sat down tonight, shoe box in hand, and began going through my memories. I haven't cried this much in quite some time. There were approximately 100 letters from my high school boyfriend, telling me how much he loved me and that he would love me always. Riiight... There was a letter from my mom that she wrote when my friend James died. And a letter she wrote me when I was seven. And then there was the envelope and post-it note from a dear, beloved friend who sent me a check with what little he had to offer when I was struggling. It is amazing to see in writing how much someone loves you.
Dad- I know we've had our rough times, but you'll always be my daddy and I'll always be your little girl.
Mom- I can only hope to be half the mom you are.
Mike- You're a dork. And I couldn't love you more if I tried.
Kristen- Nobody loves you like I do. And nobody ever will.
Reagan- Ant Izzi loves you like a fat kid loves cake.
Drew- I love you so much, I'd let you have my babies. :)
Matt- I compare them all to you. Thanks for being a great friend.
Edwin- I feel smarter just by sitting near you. Or is it dumber? :)
Caitlin- I'm glad we had this chance to become friends. It was so worth it.
Liz Jr.- You have made a difference in my life and you probably don't even know it.
Katie- I am more blessed to know you then I could ever put into words. I strive to be more like you.
Coworkers- You make work a part of life that I treasure. It's amazing to work with your true friends.
BloggerBuddies- I have come to look forward to your comments as much as the people I "know". You're presence is appreciated.
Clint- If you didn't realize it was you I was talking about up top, with the envelope and sticky note, now you do. You are an angel and I love you more and more each day.
Nathan- Bear. My love. You're the best date I ever had and one of the best people I have ever known.
Travis- People meet in mysterious ways...ours was divine intervention. Much love.
Suzanne- Friendship transcends time and space, but most importantly people. We're different, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
There are so many more...but I'm tired and my eyes are now all weepy. Dagnabit. :) I love you.
Laughter is the Best Medicine
I have seen this on two seperate blogs today and people, I tell you what, this made my ovaries HURT! I want me some babies! haha! And if nothing else, it has made this Monday a wee bit, funnier. :)
Shay's Reflection
This is the newest addition to the Creative Writing class project. I had to write another interpretation of my previous story "Britton Road" and include a reflection scene. So here you go, "Shay's Reflection".
I am sitting in a place I never thought I’d be. I am sitting alone, in a room full of people, listening to mindless chatter. The room is swimming with people who love me. Who loved my husband. I can still hear the preacher’s voice resound in my head like deafening bells, tolling their dirge. “Alexander was a wonderful man who devoted his life to his family.” Was. That’s the operative word here. He is gone. There is no bringing him back. No matter how hard I pray, or how many prayers I send up, he will never come back. I am lost without him. My mind continues to swim as I think of the most ridiculous things. Did he pay the cable bill? Did I tell him I loved him before he left that day? A single tear slides down my cheek as I ponder that last question and I lack the energy to wipe it away. I stand robotically and begin wiping crumbs from the table nearest me. Each movement I make is heavy, pained and forced. I walk, one foot in front of the other, into the kitchen where for a moment, I am truly alone. I welcome the silence and breathe in the peace.
Since the moment I found out Alex had been killed by a drunk driver, I have had but one person by my side. My dear friend Katherine has been there to hold me up, and to push me forward, and she has taken over the organization of my life. There is no way I could possibly begin to express my gratitude for her undying love and friendship. At this very moment, she is sitting in my daughter’s room, holding her and telling her how much I love her. I should be doing that, but at this moment, Katherine knows I am truly not capable. I want my daughter to feel strength. I don’t have it. I want her to feel faith. I am lacking. I want her to feel me. I am numb. I take another deep breath and make my way to Britton’s bedroom. I stand outside her door and press my ear against the cool wood. I hear a faint melody. Katherine’s voice wafts its way to the cracked door and I can make out the words she sings. “I hear babies cry…I watch them grow…they’ll learn much more…than I’ll ever know. And I think to myself…what a wonderful world…” Her words take me to a place I remember ever so fondly. I squeeze my eyes together tightly and tears force their way through my lashes. My hand finds its way to my mouth as I fight so hard to stifle the cries. My chest caves and rises with each deep sob and I shake uncontrollably. I steady myself against the door jam and slide my way to the floor.
The grass is green and lush and the sun sparkles in a way I never could have imagined. Alex is sitting to my left on the park bench with Britton cradled in his arms. She looks up at him with her big, hopeful brown eyes and I know that she can see can see herself in his. I have never seen a man so happy as he is this day. “Do you want to push her for awhile?” I ask. “No,” he says quietly as he places his hand on my knee, “my girls and I are going to sit for a minute.” He begins to hum an old Louis Armstrong tune; his voice is deep, warm and comforting. My left hand finds its way to the nape of his neck, where I gently stroke his dark hair. I lay my head on his shoulder and peer into the pale pink bundle he holds. This is the moment I have been waiting for all my life. The moment where I could sit in complete silence and feel utterly fulfilled with life and love. “I love you,” I whispered. “I love you more.” We both giggle as we realize how cheesy we sound. Its funny what love will make you do and say; the person it will make you become.
“Shay? Shay darling. Where are the napkins?”
I am shaken from my daydream and am slammed smack dab in the middle of my reality. I look up into the face of a woman I barely know. Mrs. Fletch I believe. “I don’t know,” I whispered. The wall acts as my guide as I stand and head towards the bathroom leaving her there to answer her own questions. I hear her wrap on the door and ask Katherine to get the napkins. That’s my Katherine. Always to the rescue.
I am sitting in a place I never thought I’d be. I am sitting alone, in a room full of people, listening to mindless chatter. The room is swimming with people who love me. Who loved my husband. I can still hear the preacher’s voice resound in my head like deafening bells, tolling their dirge. “Alexander was a wonderful man who devoted his life to his family.” Was. That’s the operative word here. He is gone. There is no bringing him back. No matter how hard I pray, or how many prayers I send up, he will never come back. I am lost without him. My mind continues to swim as I think of the most ridiculous things. Did he pay the cable bill? Did I tell him I loved him before he left that day? A single tear slides down my cheek as I ponder that last question and I lack the energy to wipe it away. I stand robotically and begin wiping crumbs from the table nearest me. Each movement I make is heavy, pained and forced. I walk, one foot in front of the other, into the kitchen where for a moment, I am truly alone. I welcome the silence and breathe in the peace.
Since the moment I found out Alex had been killed by a drunk driver, I have had but one person by my side. My dear friend Katherine has been there to hold me up, and to push me forward, and she has taken over the organization of my life. There is no way I could possibly begin to express my gratitude for her undying love and friendship. At this very moment, she is sitting in my daughter’s room, holding her and telling her how much I love her. I should be doing that, but at this moment, Katherine knows I am truly not capable. I want my daughter to feel strength. I don’t have it. I want her to feel faith. I am lacking. I want her to feel me. I am numb. I take another deep breath and make my way to Britton’s bedroom. I stand outside her door and press my ear against the cool wood. I hear a faint melody. Katherine’s voice wafts its way to the cracked door and I can make out the words she sings. “I hear babies cry…I watch them grow…they’ll learn much more…than I’ll ever know. And I think to myself…what a wonderful world…” Her words take me to a place I remember ever so fondly. I squeeze my eyes together tightly and tears force their way through my lashes. My hand finds its way to my mouth as I fight so hard to stifle the cries. My chest caves and rises with each deep sob and I shake uncontrollably. I steady myself against the door jam and slide my way to the floor.
The grass is green and lush and the sun sparkles in a way I never could have imagined. Alex is sitting to my left on the park bench with Britton cradled in his arms. She looks up at him with her big, hopeful brown eyes and I know that she can see can see herself in his. I have never seen a man so happy as he is this day. “Do you want to push her for awhile?” I ask. “No,” he says quietly as he places his hand on my knee, “my girls and I are going to sit for a minute.” He begins to hum an old Louis Armstrong tune; his voice is deep, warm and comforting. My left hand finds its way to the nape of his neck, where I gently stroke his dark hair. I lay my head on his shoulder and peer into the pale pink bundle he holds. This is the moment I have been waiting for all my life. The moment where I could sit in complete silence and feel utterly fulfilled with life and love. “I love you,” I whispered. “I love you more.” We both giggle as we realize how cheesy we sound. Its funny what love will make you do and say; the person it will make you become.
“Shay? Shay darling. Where are the napkins?”
I am shaken from my daydream and am slammed smack dab in the middle of my reality. I look up into the face of a woman I barely know. Mrs. Fletch I believe. “I don’t know,” I whispered. The wall acts as my guide as I stand and head towards the bathroom leaving her there to answer her own questions. I hear her wrap on the door and ask Katherine to get the napkins. That’s my Katherine. Always to the rescue.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Courtney!
Now that my Grandpa, my Father, and my Uncle read this...I thought they'd like to see just how much this girl has grown up! What a lovely lady she has grown into!
Welcome Back Katie!
So glad you made it home safe and sound. Camping. Pfftthpp...Wilderness is overrated. :)
Monday, March 13, 2006
On This Day, Part Deux
On this day:
I was told I am beautiful. I believe him. :)
I ate a chocolatey donut. Mmm...
I only had to work until 12:30!
Cait and I went to get ice cream and I didn't feel the least bit guilty.
I braved Wal-Mart.
I made a scrumptrulescent meal of Grilled Chicken Fettucini Alfredo, Green Beans and Garlic Bread.
I talked to MANY friends on the phone.
I learned that my 'niece' used the potty all by herself today and I am so proud! (and so sad. She is growing up WAY too fast.)
I learned that my dad is in the hospital...on morphine...and I can't be there.
I watched Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire. Voldemort (aka He Who Shall Not Be Named) scared me until I realized it was Ralph Feinnes and I just pictured him dancing with Jennifer Lopez. All was right in the world.
I text messaged an old friend and just said 'Luv u'. Just to see what he'd say. haha! He said, 'Aww..'
I decorated my entire apartment in my head. I don't live there yet.
I contemplated trading Dory in on her Hybrid sister. How SWEET would that be?!
I had the house to myself again tonight, so I stood in the kitchen and sang at the top of my lungs. :) Oh, yes...
I was told I am beautiful. I believe him. :)
I ate a chocolatey donut. Mmm...
I only had to work until 12:30!
Cait and I went to get ice cream and I didn't feel the least bit guilty.
I braved Wal-Mart.
I made a scrumptrulescent meal of Grilled Chicken Fettucini Alfredo, Green Beans and Garlic Bread.
I talked to MANY friends on the phone.
I learned that my 'niece' used the potty all by herself today and I am so proud! (and so sad. She is growing up WAY too fast.)
I learned that my dad is in the hospital...on morphine...and I can't be there.
I watched Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire. Voldemort (aka He Who Shall Not Be Named) scared me until I realized it was Ralph Feinnes and I just pictured him dancing with Jennifer Lopez. All was right in the world.
I text messaged an old friend and just said 'Luv u'. Just to see what he'd say. haha! He said, 'Aww..'
I decorated my entire apartment in my head. I don't live there yet.
I contemplated trading Dory in on her Hybrid sister. How SWEET would that be?!
I had the house to myself again tonight, so I stood in the kitchen and sang at the top of my lungs. :) Oh, yes...
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Stressed Out!
So I just got out of church a few minutes ago, and I feel great! I love going to church. I always feel like I have gained something I had no idea I was looking for. The music was insane today too! We had a fill in vocalist/guitarist and that guy had energy to spare! Whew!
The main focus of today was stress and how God's purpose in it. I found it very interesting and thought I would share.
"An anxious heart weighs a man down." ~Proverbs 12:25
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." ~2 Corinthians 4:17
The pastor spoke of how God wants to build our character through out troubles and many times change our direction. I never thought of it that way. Maybe when I was so unbelievably stressed by school it was because I was going for the wrong major. Since I have decided to change to something that seemed to 'fit' me better, I have had a lot less stress in that area. We also learned that common points of stress are schedules, relationships, finances and jobs. DUH! haha!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11
I need to learn that when I am stressed, I need to turn to Him. I'm working on it. I tend to worry about what people think about me. I worry that my roommates don't like me. That i'm not smart enough for school. That my family and friends forget about me, based on "out of sight, out of mind." That I am inept at my job. That I'm never going to find love. That basically, I'm just not good enough. I worry, worry, worry. But I am learning to turn my fears over to him and going to church has helped with that an undeniable amount.
"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'...But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." ~Matthew 6:31-33
It's not about religion, rules or going to church. It's about finding a relationship with him and living the life you were meant to live.
Happy Sunday, ya'll!
The main focus of today was stress and how God's purpose in it. I found it very interesting and thought I would share.
"An anxious heart weighs a man down." ~Proverbs 12:25
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." ~2 Corinthians 4:17
The pastor spoke of how God wants to build our character through out troubles and many times change our direction. I never thought of it that way. Maybe when I was so unbelievably stressed by school it was because I was going for the wrong major. Since I have decided to change to something that seemed to 'fit' me better, I have had a lot less stress in that area. We also learned that common points of stress are schedules, relationships, finances and jobs. DUH! haha!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11
I need to learn that when I am stressed, I need to turn to Him. I'm working on it. I tend to worry about what people think about me. I worry that my roommates don't like me. That i'm not smart enough for school. That my family and friends forget about me, based on "out of sight, out of mind." That I am inept at my job. That I'm never going to find love. That basically, I'm just not good enough. I worry, worry, worry. But I am learning to turn my fears over to him and going to church has helped with that an undeniable amount.
"So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'...But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." ~Matthew 6:31-33
It's not about religion, rules or going to church. It's about finding a relationship with him and living the life you were meant to live.
Happy Sunday, ya'll!
Friday, March 10, 2006
On this day...
A secret someone brought me a cookie at work today and put it in my mail box.
I had someone tell me they couldn't wait to see me again.
I got to hold a squishy kitten.
I was angered by hipocracy.
I felt genuinely flattered by a comment I received on a post.
I felt the need to defend a friend.
I flipped someone off while driving.
I felt guilty for flipping someone off while driving.
I longed for things.
I made a grand decision.
I got really, really nervous.
I just told my cat, "If you do that one more time, you are so grounded." I have become my parents...to a cat. FRIGHTENING.
I sent more text messages today than I think I ever have.
It smelled like rain today and that made me very happy.
I wore pink today. That used to make me nauseus, now it makes me happy.
I watched an animal die today.
I watched a woman weep and knew there was nothing I could do to comfort her.
I missed someone today.
I promised Katie I'd give up fastfood with her for lent...and I CHEATED. Mmm...Arby's.
I giggled when I saw a person get pulled over for speeding.
I welcomed the silence.
I drove with my windows down, rockin' out to Sweet Home Alabama!
I wore my shades today.
I took my Mommy out for lunch and didn't get irritated once! haha!
I bought my cats furry mice toys to play with and it makes me smile to see them happy.
I shopped for fun things with my mom.
I got all domestic and bought kitchen towels.
"I'm so afraid to love you, more afraid to lose."- I sang in my empty house.
I daydreamed about living in my own place.
I thought about what I really wanted for the first time in a long time.
I laughed out loud at something I read.
I wanted to kick someones ass today for my mom.
I frolicked in the office when I knew no one was watching. :)
I drank two huge glasses of iced tea and had to pee like 18 times today.
I thought about studying...then changed my mind.
I stuck my tongue out at a coworker.
I got my ass slapped by a coworker. THAT GIRL HITS HARD!
I spoke my mind...and liked it.
I felt inferior today.
I felt superior today.
I wished that someone would just.shut.up.
I wished someone would talk to me...
I wondered if I'm pretty.
I told someone she was beautiful.
I heard a man call his wife a "work of art". I think I may have melted a little.
I heard a GROSS comment from a coworker and think I may have vomited a little in my mouth.
I called my boss, "Woman." today...and got away with it.
I'll buy her coffee tomorrow, and she will love me.
I am currently listening to sappy love songs while I type this and I have the urge to sing, "My Heart Will Go On." I shall refrain. :)
Just kidding...I totally sang it.
I had someone tell me they couldn't wait to see me again.
I got to hold a squishy kitten.
I was angered by hipocracy.
I felt genuinely flattered by a comment I received on a post.
I felt the need to defend a friend.
I flipped someone off while driving.
I felt guilty for flipping someone off while driving.
I longed for things.
I made a grand decision.
I got really, really nervous.
I just told my cat, "If you do that one more time, you are so grounded." I have become my parents...to a cat. FRIGHTENING.
I sent more text messages today than I think I ever have.
It smelled like rain today and that made me very happy.
I wore pink today. That used to make me nauseus, now it makes me happy.
I watched an animal die today.
I watched a woman weep and knew there was nothing I could do to comfort her.
I missed someone today.
I promised Katie I'd give up fastfood with her for lent...and I CHEATED. Mmm...Arby's.
I giggled when I saw a person get pulled over for speeding.
I welcomed the silence.
I drove with my windows down, rockin' out to Sweet Home Alabama!
I wore my shades today.
I took my Mommy out for lunch and didn't get irritated once! haha!
I bought my cats furry mice toys to play with and it makes me smile to see them happy.
I shopped for fun things with my mom.
I got all domestic and bought kitchen towels.
"I'm so afraid to love you, more afraid to lose."- I sang in my empty house.
I daydreamed about living in my own place.
I thought about what I really wanted for the first time in a long time.
I laughed out loud at something I read.
I wanted to kick someones ass today for my mom.
I frolicked in the office when I knew no one was watching. :)
I drank two huge glasses of iced tea and had to pee like 18 times today.
I thought about studying...then changed my mind.
I stuck my tongue out at a coworker.
I got my ass slapped by a coworker. THAT GIRL HITS HARD!
I spoke my mind...and liked it.
I felt inferior today.
I felt superior today.
I wished that someone would just.shut.up.
I wished someone would talk to me...
I wondered if I'm pretty.
I told someone she was beautiful.
I heard a man call his wife a "work of art". I think I may have melted a little.
I heard a GROSS comment from a coworker and think I may have vomited a little in my mouth.
I called my boss, "Woman." today...and got away with it.
I'll buy her coffee tomorrow, and she will love me.
I am currently listening to sappy love songs while I type this and I have the urge to sing, "My Heart Will Go On." I shall refrain. :)
Just kidding...I totally sang it.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
The Letter We Use for Failure
So I was watching a movie today (when I should have been studying) and this girl walks up to her professor after class and shows him her test paper. He says, "Yes. That is the letter we use for FAILURE." I kind of laughed and said a silent prayer because I was on my way to take a test. Yeeeaah...so I know how she feels.
It's my own fault for not studying as much or as hard as I should have, but knowing that fact only makes me feel like more of a loser. I suck.
It's my own fault for not studying as much or as hard as I should have, but knowing that fact only makes me feel like more of a loser. I suck.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
It's hard to be so good-looking.
This is a photo taken at last Thursday's class. Clockwise from left: Me, Jeff, Billy Jo, Mercedes
Sunday, March 05, 2006
So tragic...
My cousin Joan emailed me today about a horrible accident her friend witnessed while in Germany. It sounded absolutely gruesome, but it wasn't until I saw the photographs that I truly understood this horrific event. I can't believe someone even took photos, but I wanted to share this with everyone, asking, pleading that you please be careful on the roadways. You never know what could happen.
Dear Liz,
I almost cried when I looked at the picture. A friend sent this photo of a horrible highway accident in Germany. The picture may be kind of hard to take for some of you. If you look closely you can see what appears to be some survivors of the accident still in the wreckage. Although the picture is quite graphic, it makes you realize how quickly our loved ones can be taken from us.
My friend stayed on the scene to help and even though he performed mouth to mouth on quite a few of them, none apparently survived.
Take care,
Joan
Dear Liz,
I almost cried when I looked at the picture. A friend sent this photo of a horrible highway accident in Germany. The picture may be kind of hard to take for some of you. If you look closely you can see what appears to be some survivors of the accident still in the wreckage. Although the picture is quite graphic, it makes you realize how quickly our loved ones can be taken from us.
My friend stayed on the scene to help and even though he performed mouth to mouth on quite a few of them, none apparently survived.
Take care,
Joan
Britton Road- Revised
Here is the newest revision of the story, now set in the correct tense and including mild dialogue. CRITIQUE AWAY!
The funeral was today. As funerals go, it was a nice one. Alex’s family seemed to appreciate the lengths they had gone to in order to make it nice, but to Katherine, the flowers were cheery when she wanted to be sad, the songs were somber when she needed uplifting. There was no happy medium found in a single, solitary moment of the day. She felt anger well up inside her. A feeling that resided in her throat, just waiting to break free, as she watched one half of the crowd weep and cry and the other half attempt some level of normalcy. She felt unexplainable resentment towards the weeping few, because there was no way they could possibly have loved him as much or in the same way as she had, yet she felt utter frustration for the group that was merely trying to keep the kids occupied.
“How can they not be taking this seriously?” she screamed within. “Have
they no respect for the dead? For the living?!”
Katherine felt the words, hot in her mouth, fighting to break free. She wanted so badly to stand in the middle of this crowded, obnoxious room and scream, but knew in her heart that most of the people in this house felt exactly the same way. They were all trying to cope as best they could and she was no exception.
Then, there was Shay. She was buzzing around the house as if she were a Jack Russell that had secretly nose dived into the Folger’s stash. There was no slowing her down, and no use in trying. Katherine watched silently, as Shay cleaned the imaginary dirt from around the seated guests. She’d sweep the make-believe crumbs into her hand and make a trip all the way to the trash can in the kitchen. It was almost as if she wanted out, but was completely caged by her duty to represent her
family. Who knows. Katherine continued to watch and then gathered that maybe Shay really had seen dirt and she was only reading too much into it. There was no way of knowing what was going through her friends mind at that point there is no way on earth she could ever imagine what she is feeling. Katherine stood, poising herself to leave the room and allowed Shay to occupy herself anyway she could. She saw to it that the guests were fed and that mundane tasks are taken care of before she left
to check on the baby. That is what she was there for anyhow; to be stable.
She walked into the back bedroom to check on Britton. She is wimpering
softly in her crib, freshly awakened by the clammering people in the next room. She sits up and smiles a tired, sleepy eyed smile. Her soft blond curls frame her face and are back lit by the window to her left. Katherine can see the tear stained cheeks and the pouty lips, and those beautiful, outstretched arms. She reaches for her and Britton immediately begins clawing at her blouse as she lifts her from the crib.
One chubby grasp has a handful of Katherine’s top and the other holds onto her blanket for dear life. Katherine had bought that blanket for her the day she came home from the hospital. Soft, pink chenille, embroidered Britton Shay in the corner. She was named after the road she was born on. En route to the hospital, Britton decided that she was going to come THEN and there was no stopping her. To this day, a year later, she still holds that tenacity. Katherine giggles to herself as
she remembers fondly exactly where she got that trait. Her mother. They take a seat together in the overstuffed rocker. Katherine doesn’t bother to turn on the lights, as she’s hoping Britton will soon fall back asleep. This room is her haven, safe from a sea of great-aunts and other miscellaneous relatives who have itchy pincher fingers that want nothing more than to pinch her round, rosey cheeks. Katherine takes a deep breath and begins to hum What a Wonderful World.
“I hear babies cry….I watch them grow…They’ll learn much more…than I’ll
ever know. And I think to myself…what a wonderful world…”
In a matter of moments, Britton has snuggled her face deep into Katherine’s neck. She can feel Britton’s hot breath on her shoulder and her heartbeat against her chest. She makes soft cooing noises as she drifts off to sleep. Her daddy used to call those coos her “Daddy Love”. He would swear up and down that she only did it with him. No one had the heart to tell him she did it for everyone. As the image of
Alex holding his baby girl in his arms comes to her mind, Katherine begins to cry. Her silent tears stream down her face and onto Britton’s outfit.
“How could this happen, God? How could he leave them? What in the world are they going to do without him?”
Her sobs become stronger and she feels her body shake with emotion when a voice rocks her from her thoughts.
“Katherine, Dear, we need more napkins.”
“Yes, Mrs. Fletch,” Katherine answered softly. “I’ll be right there.”
Katherine sat for a moment longer, watching Britton sleep, breathing in her sweet, baby powder smell and her innocence. She rock to the rhythm of her breathing and gently patted her back. The tears subsided as she began to pray once more. She prayed for herself, asking for the strength to help this family survive, but mostly, she prayed for Britton to remember her daddy and for Shay to gain the courage she so
desperately needed to pull herself together. Life leads you down interesting roads, but Katherine is a firm believer that each one holds a story and an unending wealth of possibilites. As she gently laid Britton down in her crib, she had a feeling that Britton was not only going to be a passenger on the road that life has lead her mother to, but maybe, just maybe, she would be her guide. Her compass. Her
North Star.
The funeral was today. As funerals go, it was a nice one. Alex’s family seemed to appreciate the lengths they had gone to in order to make it nice, but to Katherine, the flowers were cheery when she wanted to be sad, the songs were somber when she needed uplifting. There was no happy medium found in a single, solitary moment of the day. She felt anger well up inside her. A feeling that resided in her throat, just waiting to break free, as she watched one half of the crowd weep and cry and the other half attempt some level of normalcy. She felt unexplainable resentment towards the weeping few, because there was no way they could possibly have loved him as much or in the same way as she had, yet she felt utter frustration for the group that was merely trying to keep the kids occupied.
“How can they not be taking this seriously?” she screamed within. “Have
they no respect for the dead? For the living?!”
Katherine felt the words, hot in her mouth, fighting to break free. She wanted so badly to stand in the middle of this crowded, obnoxious room and scream, but knew in her heart that most of the people in this house felt exactly the same way. They were all trying to cope as best they could and she was no exception.
Then, there was Shay. She was buzzing around the house as if she were a Jack Russell that had secretly nose dived into the Folger’s stash. There was no slowing her down, and no use in trying. Katherine watched silently, as Shay cleaned the imaginary dirt from around the seated guests. She’d sweep the make-believe crumbs into her hand and make a trip all the way to the trash can in the kitchen. It was almost as if she wanted out, but was completely caged by her duty to represent her
family. Who knows. Katherine continued to watch and then gathered that maybe Shay really had seen dirt and she was only reading too much into it. There was no way of knowing what was going through her friends mind at that point there is no way on earth she could ever imagine what she is feeling. Katherine stood, poising herself to leave the room and allowed Shay to occupy herself anyway she could. She saw to it that the guests were fed and that mundane tasks are taken care of before she left
to check on the baby. That is what she was there for anyhow; to be stable.
She walked into the back bedroom to check on Britton. She is wimpering
softly in her crib, freshly awakened by the clammering people in the next room. She sits up and smiles a tired, sleepy eyed smile. Her soft blond curls frame her face and are back lit by the window to her left. Katherine can see the tear stained cheeks and the pouty lips, and those beautiful, outstretched arms. She reaches for her and Britton immediately begins clawing at her blouse as she lifts her from the crib.
One chubby grasp has a handful of Katherine’s top and the other holds onto her blanket for dear life. Katherine had bought that blanket for her the day she came home from the hospital. Soft, pink chenille, embroidered Britton Shay in the corner. She was named after the road she was born on. En route to the hospital, Britton decided that she was going to come THEN and there was no stopping her. To this day, a year later, she still holds that tenacity. Katherine giggles to herself as
she remembers fondly exactly where she got that trait. Her mother. They take a seat together in the overstuffed rocker. Katherine doesn’t bother to turn on the lights, as she’s hoping Britton will soon fall back asleep. This room is her haven, safe from a sea of great-aunts and other miscellaneous relatives who have itchy pincher fingers that want nothing more than to pinch her round, rosey cheeks. Katherine takes a deep breath and begins to hum What a Wonderful World.
“I hear babies cry….I watch them grow…They’ll learn much more…than I’ll
ever know. And I think to myself…what a wonderful world…”
In a matter of moments, Britton has snuggled her face deep into Katherine’s neck. She can feel Britton’s hot breath on her shoulder and her heartbeat against her chest. She makes soft cooing noises as she drifts off to sleep. Her daddy used to call those coos her “Daddy Love”. He would swear up and down that she only did it with him. No one had the heart to tell him she did it for everyone. As the image of
Alex holding his baby girl in his arms comes to her mind, Katherine begins to cry. Her silent tears stream down her face and onto Britton’s outfit.
“How could this happen, God? How could he leave them? What in the world are they going to do without him?”
Her sobs become stronger and she feels her body shake with emotion when a voice rocks her from her thoughts.
“Katherine, Dear, we need more napkins.”
“Yes, Mrs. Fletch,” Katherine answered softly. “I’ll be right there.”
Katherine sat for a moment longer, watching Britton sleep, breathing in her sweet, baby powder smell and her innocence. She rock to the rhythm of her breathing and gently patted her back. The tears subsided as she began to pray once more. She prayed for herself, asking for the strength to help this family survive, but mostly, she prayed for Britton to remember her daddy and for Shay to gain the courage she so
desperately needed to pull herself together. Life leads you down interesting roads, but Katherine is a firm believer that each one holds a story and an unending wealth of possibilites. As she gently laid Britton down in her crib, she had a feeling that Britton was not only going to be a passenger on the road that life has lead her mother to, but maybe, just maybe, she would be her guide. Her compass. Her
North Star.
Friday, March 03, 2006
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