On more than one occasion, I have been told I have a poetic heart. By this, I think they meant that I can see things, and describe them in a way that is purely mine. Purely simple, yet complex, all in the same profound swoop. Needless to say, I am not one of these people who finds myself poetic. I merely make an attempt to unravel the thoughts that wind their way through my brain...each.and.every.day.
As I layed here in bed tonight, (Yes, I got up out of my warm, comfortable bed so that I could blog this all down.) I began to remember things I had seen or heard today that made me think. Things that made me write in my head.
The first thing was sitting in church this afternoon and listening to the pastor answer the timeless question of, "Why doesn't God answer my prayers?" I absorbed his words, because it was something I had been needing to hear, but didn't realize. I am one of those people who prays and prays and prays for the things I want or need, but then oftentimes, doesn't realize that those very things I pray for, are the things I already have. As the Sheryl Crow tune goes, "It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got." Today, Pastor Craig said that many of us, himself included, pray for things and then expect that we are going to receive exactly what we prayed for, not even aware that we got more than we were expecting. I was laying here tonight, really thinking about what it was that I want. What is it that I pray for? Then it hit me, I have that very thing in abundunce. My life is overflowing with the things I desire, it's my own fault that I hadn't been seeing them in all their forms. I have been blessed with the ability to see things in a way that others cannot. Perhaps it is with this blessing in mind that I have had the love for words and pictures bestowed upon me. I appreciate little things, such as watching a father today in church, reach out and hold his little girls hand. Watching a young couple scoot closer together during prayer and bow their heads together. Hearing a huge gust of wind sail through the trees and awaken the leaves resting on the ground. Feeling a cool breeze through an open window. I am so thankful for all these little moments. Yet I wouldn't be me, if I didn't say that these little moments make me oddly sad. Though I am surrounded by a vast array of answered prayers and of course, a few unanswered ones, I am still left wondering what else is out there. When will I discover my one true purpose? I guess that's just one of the answers that will be shown to me in its own due time. For now, I will make my attempt at not second guessing everything I have ever done, or thought. I will continue to pray and know that He can, He will, and even if He doesn't...I'll still believe, for those unanswered ones might be exactly what I've been searching for.
This may not have been poetic, but just as poetry speaks to people individually and uniquely...so does prayer.