Saturday, September 10, 2005

I got nothin'...

This has been a very interesting day. I have felt probably every possible emotion known to human kind today. I am to the point now, where all I want to do is cry. I want to sit in my room...alone...and make myself bawl. Oh..oh...done. Mission accomplished. I feel that more often then not, if I cry myself to sleep, whatever it was I was crying about doesn't seem quite so bad in the morning.

Have you ever just had a day where you couldn't find the words to say ANYTHING you wanted to? There are so many thoughts running through my head right now that I have absolutely no idea how to make ANY sense of them. For example, my speech tonight. During every trial run I did of this stupid speech, I was over time. So, what do I do? I speed up! I rush through it and get docked a letter grade for coming in under the time limit. And to top that off, I couldn't tell you what I said. Now, as I sit here, trying to write emails and blogs, all my words are swimming with no place to go and all my ideas have sought refuge for the evening. So instead, I shall share with you the words of a guy who claimed to love me long, long ago...'I sit and stare, unaware, of things yet unseen. For who can say what tomorrow brings. For who cares to see the day that past. For miles gone and miles ahead, nothing can stop what is to come. So smile my love and join me, For when you are here I sit and stare, unaware...but happy all the same.'


Sue Ann said...

I am so sorry you had such a terrible evening.....all I know is that if it wasn't for the rain, we would be unable to appreciate a rainbow in all of its beauty. I love you so much!! We just need to have a 100% estrogen fest. Bring on the cheese, chocolate, and the sappy teen movies....Latley, I have been having an identity crisis...I have no clue where I am going or why I am going there....I want to do the things that are good and pleasing to God, but sometimes I am unsure that I am, or the desires that I have are unpleasing and then I feel guilty....I guess what I am tryig to say, is that life is hard and sometimes it sucks...and that is just, where-ever you are in your life, I will be there with you. And to be honest it gives me comfort knowing that you are with me.

kristen (reagan's mom) said...

aaawww i thought we'd been down this road...recently. Right?! first of all, quit worrying that you're going be alone and that your fat. we're all fat!! :) and at some point we're all alone too. you and i for one (or two) will never be alone because we have each other. now i sound like your boyfriend :) yea!! you are indeed my very best friend in the whole wide world. (and brent of course) i share everything with you and i love you like nobody else. i am praying for you and thinking about you ALL THE TIME!!