Poor Pitiful Me

If you don't want to read about I feel sorry for myself, do yourself the favor and stop now. Consider yourself warned.

The stress level has exceeded what I feel like I can handle today. I have been reduced to fat, hot crocodile tears twice already and I'll do it again. I swear...I'll do it. Try me. There's not one thing in particular, its just a whole lot of little things. I know they'll each blow over in their own time, but their doddling, and it's really starting to piss me off. I'm stressed about school more than anything. I know that 12 hours may not be a lot to some people, but when you have been out of school for as long as I have and you're in class with kids fresh from high school, you tend to feel a little retarded. My classes may be easy to those of you in higher levels, but I'm struggling. (Okay, so I have A's and B's, but I'm struggling to keep those!) Work is gradually getting more stressful, not because I do anything out of the ordinary, but because I am trying to balance school with my current work load of 32-40 hours per week. And to top that off, clients are beginning to feel more and more comfortable with showing their ugly side. I've had four clients in the past two weeks try to make me feel guilty because they can't afford to pay their bills. They feel the need to express their anger or disappoint at me in the form of degrading me and making me feel like a bad person. Excuse me? Do I not have to work too? Do I not have bills and responsibilities? Don't tell me that I am the reason your pet will suffer when you have let them do so for 3 weeks before you even called for an appointment. Don't you dare tell me that it's my fault your four children are going to go without food this week when you, my friend, are the one who has picked up every stray this side of the MasonDixon line. And for the love and Pete, don't yell at me for not agreeing to post date a check (which is ILLEGAL) when you just told me in the previous breath that you make $3,000.00 PER PAY CHECK. Learn to budget. Be responsible for your own actions. I'm not to blame for your lifes disarray. I'm just tired of being treated like a door mat by these people. The worst part of it is, I have to take a deep breath and put a smile on my face for the next person who'll walk through the door. I feel like I am spreading myself too thin at times. Especially when I am petsitting this week and babysitting every now and again. I've recently gotten the feeling I'm not pulling my weight at home with household chores and whatnot, too. I have been going to church more lately which has helped me deal with some of the stress in a better way. I've only gone 4 times in a row, but that is REALLY good for me. It gives me a moment to stop, catch my breath, and be reminded that the control is not in my hands. However, it has also made me question my relationships more too. (Past ones that is.) Matt and I have gone to Intoxicated (college group) the last two Wednesday nights (Katie went last night! YAY!) and the discussion is all about relationships. I have always been the "you're too good of a friend girl" and now I wonder what in the world I'm supposed to do when I'm told I need to be friends with the guy first. NOT MY LUCK. We'll get to be friends and then I'll get the inevitable, "You're a wonderful person, you're a great friend, but I don't want a relationship to ruin it." Not real sure why I'm worried about that anyhow, no prospects in sight. Not 100% sure I want one right now anyway. Bet you never thought you'd hear me say that, huh? I say that, because I have no idea what in the world I would have to offer someone right now. I can barely keep myself sane. But...on that note, I'll share with you my "homework" for next week. I'm supposed to come up with 10 things I absolutely want in my "ulti-mate" and 10 that I will not stand for. So...here goes.

Bueno:
1. Integrity
2. Honesty
3. Sense of Humor
4. Loves kids
5. Strong sense of family
6. Ambition
7. Devotion/Loyalty
8. Sensitivity
9. Spontaneous
10.Responsible

No Bueno:
1. Smoke/Dip/Excessive Drinker
2. Doesn't like kids
3. Frivolous
4. Conceited/Vain
5. Too serious
6. Reserved/Introverted
7. Shovanistic (no idea how to spell that)
8. Unwilling to pray with me
9. No focus/goals
10.Can't say "I love you"

Now, its off to finish my THREE math assignments that are due tomorrow and study for the two God forsaken exams I have on Monday. :)